Leading Our Kids Toward Jesus

A little over year ago, when I was reading the book "Hands Free Mama", I decided to try a three hour experiment. I turned off my phone for three hours at a time everyday when I was not at work, to be fully present with my daughter. I was worried that by doing this, I would miss out on a lot of needs that came in by text or email or social media from work, friends or family. But I was wrong! I started timing how long it took me after with my phone off to catch up on what had come in. It took an average of 10 minutes or less to catch up and respond. So all of those days previously where I felt like I absolutely had to keep my phone on that whole time because there were so many things I was needed for, that was actually not the case at all. I don't know if it was my ego that made me feel like I was more important and more needed than I was, or that I liked being distracted, or the sense of immediate gratification I got from seeing something coming in and resp...

I think it was author L.R. Knost who coined the phrase "how can I help you?" in the middle of a tantrum or apparent misbehavior. At first that seemed like a strange, or even counterintuitive, response to me. I remember thinking, "are we giving into toddler demands by doing that?" I think that depends on how we look at misbehavior. By studying toddler development, we can see that misbehavior most often comes from a place of a (real or perceived) unmet need. If we can get to the root issue, to the weakness or gap, to the worry or fear, we can most effectively solve it. That doesn't mean "giving into every demand." But it does mean understanding what is underneath it, and making an intentional, informed choice from there. "I won't put my socks on" might seem like defiance or resistance, but a question like "how can I help you?" followed by good listening on my part (probably my biggest parental weakness, other than ma...

I realized a few years ago that I hurry everywhere. I have a high energy level, I love being productive, and I think I held the core belief, "why only get one thing done in an hour when I could accomplish three?" While I've learned this can be a tremendous strength, it has a shadow side too. The most obvious place that shows up is when I hurry other people. I remember learning that when our daughter started preschool: rushing there did not help anyone, but building in enough time to take it slow helped the day start out much better. While she is in the midst of some medical issues right now, her need for us to slow down our pace has shown up big time. The other day her school asked for a "quick transition" at dropoff and we later realized this was not the best strategy for her. She needed a moment to catch her breath, gather her courage, and say her goodbyes from a place of trust and feeling secure, rather than one of frenzy or pushing. We've been ...

"She's going to be fine!" I told my friend who was worried about her soon-to-be-kindergartener starting next week. "She did so great in preschool, and isn't preschool success correlated with an easier transition to elementary school? She's got this!" Later that day, after I didn't hear anything back, I was reminded of the year my daughter started kindergarten and I reached out to a friend to share how worried I was that she would have a food allergy reaction. "You have nothing to worry about!" said my well-meaning friend. "Schools are so good at allergies these days, and this school seems so confident!" "The doctor said one of the most dangerous things could be if the school is OVERconfident and think they have it covered when they actually don't," I responded. I think my friend thought I was completely overreacting, but I felt so dismissed by her words. As I remembered this, I quickly sent a text ap...

I sat across from this mountain (pictured) at a recent meeting with the ministry where I work. The person leading our devotional that evening asked, "what mountain do you wish could be moved in your life?" The thought that immediately came to me was, "our daughter's." She is facing major medical issues right now, and it seems like one after another after another keep piling up on her. The weight of it seems crushing for a tiny 48 pound person who still needs her teacher to help her with her hair on picture day. We are doing everything we can to support her. She's in play therapy to help her process what is going on and the therapist is amazing. My prayer is that with the therapist's help and our support, she w ill build resilience and not be traumatized by all she is facing. But, oh, how much I'd like to see her mountain moved. She has moments that remind me of the version of herself she was before she got all this rotten news and ...