To Sleep Train or Not to Sleep Train...

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We moms sat around the table at the pizzeria and one of our newest friends there shared that she had just bought at "sleep training" book and was two days in to trying it. She wondered what I thought since a lot of the psychology work I've done has focused on brain health. I said, "I'm glad you found something that seems to be working, but do want to encourage you to be careful. So much of the sleep training and coaching is appealing because it seems to produce immediate results, which the authors claim will help long term, but I've seen a lot of kids and families experience a lot of long term damage because of it."

Why is this? It can impact healthy attachment (it's normal for babies to cry to be comforted, and healthy for their brains and their parents' brains for that crying to be met with comforting). They can't tell the difference between real and perceived abandonment so it impacts their brain in the same way. I always encourage people to seek multiple sources because different authors have different experiences and share different strategies and told her if it's important to take a step of being intentional about sleep, she might be able to find one she feels better about- for example there's a great sleep coaching author who doesn't use crying at all but still does a great job of changing habits and routines (Elizabeth Pantley in "No Cry Sleep Solution"). A lot of people have found her work helpful over the years.

I also encouraged her to check out the Notre Dame research because it's the best I've seen in really exploring the topic without coming from a preconceived, Western-culture idea of "we need to convince ourselves that this doesn't actually harm our babies since it's way more convenient for us as parents." That sounds terrible to say out loud, but I know for me, anytime someone gives me an excuse to do "convenience parenting" and use quick-fixes, it takes every fiber of my being to not give in to that temptation....I think that's just my human nature at work! I want this to be easy! But truly, if I look deeply within, I also want it to be effective and  helpful and nurturing long term, and reflect the fruits of the Spirit which are things like gentleness, patience and kindness. 


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