Leading Our Kids Toward Jesus

As I wrap up this challenge, I'm struck again by the most important way to parent toward Jesus: praying. Praying with her, praying in front of her, praying for her. I pray daily for my daughter but this month I'm going to organize that a bit. I'm a big believer that prayer can be both spontaneous and planned- it doesn't have to always be one or the other. I've done a lot of the former this month and next month I'm going to focus on the latter. What are some things I really want to pray for for her? That I don't want to miss, I don't want to forget because I get busy? I'm going to put those prayers in my calendar, one for each day. Overkill? Probably. Worth it? Definitely. I'm excited. Thanks for journeying with me through these past 30 days!

Beauty. It's not exactly a fruit of the spirit but it reminds me of goodness, and you can't help but notice it if you are out in God's creation. It's a part of God's character, and therefore a part of Jesus. Sally Clarkson in her blog, itakejoy.blogspot.com , really nails the importance of beauty in our daily lives. What do you think?

The ministry I work for talks a lot about "meeting kids where they are" and not expecting them to be anything they aren't. In meeting them with unconditional love and without an agenda, we find that that tends to make them more likely to consider exploring who Jesus is and whether he could be a part of their lives. On the other hand, expecting them to be further along in faith than they are and wanting their behavior to change before their heart does really doesn't seem to work -- that's why we don't approach it that way. I was thinking this morning... how well do I do in meeting my child where she is in my parenting? I think there are a lot of layers to that - expecting developmentally appropriate and age appropriate behavior, which means not expecting her to act like an adult yet, something I unfortunately so easily fall into. I think it also means really knowing her personality type and encouraging her in that - expecting her to be who she is and not som

Grace is so integral to the character of Jesus. He gives us the opportunity for a fresh start. I'm not very good at starting over though. This morning started in the garbage. Literally. I cleaned up some orange peel from the kitchen table and accidentally wiped Bailey's favorite ring right into the trash with it. She was horrified! I offered to try to dig it out. And I was incredibly grossed out. It was buried in there with things like orange peel and egg shells and really quite disgusting. And somehow, in an amazing act that seemed to defy the laws of physics, it was on the very bottom, underneath everything, even though it was the most recent thing to go in there. I got it out. But I was in a terrible mood at that point. And I wasn't very good at starting over. What would it look like to start over on a day like that? I know people who when they think they "wake up on the wrong side of bed" will literally go back to bed and re-enact getting up to

I remember the day I learned that communion with God wasn't just bread and wine. That it could also be defined as communing with God all day long. Talking to Him as we go through the day. Walking with Him as we go through the day. Loving Him and soaking in His love. Am I doing that daily? Am I leading my child toward Christ with my example of communing with Him?

HOW did God continue to consistently show love to his people when they walked away time and time again? I believe the answer was his compassion. It allowed him to keep coming back to his love for them, no matter what they did, no matter how many times. His faithfulness, his RELENTLESSNESS even, was more unrelenting and determined than their sin. Am I showing compassion toward my daughter? I want to pay more attention to this today!

Ever notice the consistency of God? I notice it not only in the character of Christ (which is impeccably consistent) but also in the Old Testament. God reminds His people over and over again. He responds to them with the same patterns over and over again. He offers them second chances over and over again. He was faithful to them, even when they did wrong. I've been spending time in I & II Kings and I & II Chronicles lately and am just amazed by this. He continues to stay faithful to them, and consistent in His love, no matter what they do. It doesn't change. I think sometimes as parents we feel like when our kids do wrong in some way, we no longer need to hold up our end of the bargain. But that belief couldn't be further from the truth. Our consistency and our response is all the more important when our kids act up or act out. How we respond is crucial. And I believe we are called to respond with grace, boundaries, teaching and praying. But so often we feel &q

Today's work in parenting toward Jesus was a simple lesson for myself - in perseverance. I think perseverance is a crucial part of the character of Christ. When we look at him showing up on earth, with a purpose, and carrying it out to the end no matter what that took, there's really no comparison. No other human to ever walk the earth could have seen what stood ahead of him and decided willingly - as a volunteer, not a victim - to dive in and keep going. He persevered through persecution, through disbelief, through betrayal, through desperation and fear. He persevered and even went to the lengths of the cross, the most torturous death in all human history, to take our death penalty for walking away from life with God the way we were created for and ending up lost, dying, and distant. Nothing stopped him, nothing held him back. I wish I could say my perseverance imitated Christ's. That I always kept going, kept trying, no matter what. As I've shared here, one of the thi

We started out the 30 days by talking about sacrificial giving. I thought I'd circle back to something related but different today, sacrificial prayer. What if you prayed for those you least wanted to pray for? Or those who were the least like you? Glennon Doyle Melton nails this topic here so I won't reinvent the wheel: http://momastery.com/blog/2014/11/25/love-note-to-the-world/

Showing grace is of absolute importance to teach grace. But I think that showing grace has to do with a lot more than just showing it to our kids (though I wholeheartedly agree we need to do that). Are we showing it to others too? To the barista who spilled coffee on us? The post office employee who rang up our order wrong and charged us too much? To the oil change attendant who promised us 15 minutes and it actually took 35? How do I respond when things don't go my way? Is grace the first thing out of my mouth or frustration? Do I want someone to pay when things go wrong? Or can I let it go and move gracefully on to the next thing?

Giving forgiveness. Giving mercy. Giving grace. Freely offering it. Freely handing it out. I want to get better at this. I want my daughter to see Jesus in the way I respond to her and others with grace with no strings attached. I'm not great at it, you see. I catch myself saying things to her like, "well, if you say that sentence over with please, then I'll let you have another try at what just got messed up," or "if you just do x then it will undo y." Not to say those are never helpful conversations to have, but I think I do that way too often. The number of times I freely give grace is way too few. I'm going to start practicing it. Literally starting to say "I forgive you" to her and to others in front of her. I want it to be more a part of my language and more a part of me. I'm reading Crystal Lutton's "Grace Based Living" book and it's reminding me of how crucial this is... in our marriages, our parenting, a

This is a big one. Jesus seemed to major in it. I want to focus on it for a few days, but for today, I want to start out with a really basic way I can teach it to my daughter. Sometimes I need forgiveness. And being willing to apologize, giving her the language to forgive me if she wants to, but also giving her the choice of if she's ready and not forcing it are all going to point her toward Jesus. As she learns to forgive, like he did, she will understand him and his character more.

Humility is so central to the character of Christ, "who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage," according to Philippians 2:6. I think humility is hard for parents. To humble ourselves before our children is a lofty task. But I remember growing up some of the most teachable moments for me were when my parents were willing to apologize to me and recognize they'd made a mistake. I want to be the same way with my daughter. To be open-minded and willing to learn and not prideful and convinced I'm always right. To be able to say "I was wrong" or "that's a better idea." To value her and her ideas and not think I'm superior in any way. One way we practice this in our house is by sharing what's important to each of us in conflicts. We learned this actually through a marriage book, "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free" which if you ask me, is a must-read. It really deliv

Busy day so not much time to write... but choosing the fruit of the Spirit of kindness for my focus today. How do you keep kindness a priority in your family?

This is so similar to yesterday's topic and I think so related. Having the self-discipline to get a point of self-control... how do we do that? A friend just recommended a book called "Parenting in the Present Moment" which is apparently a lot about disciplining our minds so I'm interested in checking in out. How do you keep yourself self-disciplined?

On to another fruit of the Spirit...perhaps the one most of us find the hardest. There are so many components to self-control -- from emotional control and regulation (which I think comes from healthy emotional expression, not stuffing, hiding or denying emotions) to changing problematic behaviors, to finding inner peace in a way that lets us act instead of react. My daughter is really good at self-control. It's taken hard work on our part, but been an incredible journey, and a journey I've honestly so enjoyed because we've gone the route of being big on boundaries and also big on kindness, gentleness and the Golden Rule in how boundaries are taught. I'm learning through this journey that I'm not, however, great at self-control. I appear to be, and would probably say I am in most situations, but when it comes to parenting, that's where I'm weakest at it. Parenting can push our buttons in ways we didn't know possible. I'm a person who spends a l

I'm still smack dab in the middle of a hectic week, so I'm choosing the fruit of the spirit of gentleness to focus on today and I certainly don't need to reinvent the wheel there. Phenomenal authors have written on the importance of gentleness in parenting, including most obviously L.R. Knost who wrote "The Gentle Parent." It's a book full of great paradigm shifts and practical suggestions - I'm going to commit to opening it up today or perusing her website ( www.littlehearts.com ) and putting one of those suggestions into practice.

I just have a moment to write today, but I am choosing joy, another fruit of the Spirit, to focus on as my way to lead her toward Jesus today. What are some ways you use joy in your children's lives?

I thought I would love the toddler years. The learning to do things independently, needing mom for a little less, exploring and practicing to get good at things mom previously did. And my daughter has loved these years. She's great at trying new things and getting better each day with practice. But it's all I can do to let her try. Because, you see, she does things SLOWLY. Very slowly. I guess we all do when we try new things or adjust to them, but I never thought about it until I had a 3 year old. I thought I was doing great at letting her try things- until I watched my husband get her ready for church. Or more accurately, let her get ready for church. She dressed herself, brushed her own hair, buckled her seatbelt, and put her gloves on 3 different times to get the thumb in the right place. I started to lose my patience with the gloves. I just wanted to do it for her because it was taking so long and I wanted it to be done faster. But that wasn't the worst par

Today I woke up feeling faith-less. Not all the way down the faith barometer to faith-empty, but certainly not faith-full as I often do. It was a reminder to me of the importance of choosing faith every day, both for myself but also for my daughter, who is always watching. Choosing faith, even on the tough days. Walking in faith, even on the days where I want to run in the other direction because that other direction feels easier, appears to be a path with less obstacles, and certainly feeds my illusion of control better than a leap of faith would. But I've learned over the years that faith is always the best option. I remind myself of a couple more reasons for this: 1. God tells us there is always "greater yet." We can't begin to understand what lies ahead and the adventure only gets wilder when it's with the God of the universe. 2. The shield of faith appears to me to be the most important weapon against spiritual warfare. God goes so far as to

One of the things I most love about Jesus is his consistency. He was who he says he was (and still is!) and truly was the visible image of the invisible God while he walked here on earth. He kept all his promises, and his word- he followed through all the way to the point of death. It's always been important to me to keep my word and be consistent. So much of what makes certain types of parenting work or not work is indeed consistency. If kids know what to expect, what the boundaries are, and that those boundaries are consistent, it creates an environment where they can thrive and learn and grow. So I try to be very faithful in following through with the boundaries and goals our daughter has. Today though, on this journey of leading her toward Jesus, I started thinking about whether I am faithful in following through with the boundaries and goals I set for myself. Some of my commitments this past week were to things like peacemaking and modeling. How am I doing with follow

A friend and I were talking yesterday about if it's harder to arrive at a place of peace with our kids or our spouse. It seems so often it ends up being one or the other- like if we put the energy into one peaceful relationship, finding the energy to make another one that way too seems so hard. What do you do to prioritize healthy, peaceful relationships with your loved ones? Dr. Gary Chapman wrote the Five Love Languages and even a version of it for kids. I believe he'd say our daughter is too young to likely have one clear preference out of the five, but boy can we see that she loves being loved. We tend to love her in our own love languages since that's the most natural way for us to show and receive love, and for me and my husband, those are different: quality time and acts of service. We both are finding we need to do both to love her well though (not to mention that we need to love each other in a love language that speaks to him/me- that's been a journey of fi

Day 7. Love. Choosing that First. This is the theme of Day 7 because I did not do so well with it on Day 6. If you remember, yesterday's theme was modeling... and it caused me to get a bit more introspective and self-aware of the ways I was not being a great role model. While I was at it, I noticed that "love" was lagging behind a bit when it comes to the fruits of the spirits I show in parenting. Don't mishear that, please... I don't think there's ever been a moment where I haven't felt love toward my daughter. But I think love is something we both feel and choose, and I noticed that I'm not choosing it first. So often I'm choosing to-do-lists. Or scheduling our day. Or running around. I still have a lot of work to do on becoming more Hands Free like Day 5's post shared about. And I think the worst part of my gap in this area is sometimes it means I choose busyness over simply loving. Today, I chose love first... 1) When my

Jesus was the ultimate role model. He was so much more than that, yes, but I don't think we can miss that part of him. His actions reflected his values, his words, his truth. I was talking to a friend last week about the fact that lately, mine don't. Not in big ways - but in small, subtle ways. In parenting especially. I'm impatient, I'm controlling, I'm quick to get angry and want my way. Even though I value things like patience, flexibility, kindness and selflessness. There's a major disconnect. On my worst days, I'm a bad example. I want that to stop. I don't want to walk around saying, "do as I say, not as I act" to my three year old. So I've asked my friend to hold me accountable. And I'm going to start thinking before I act. Is this modeling the type of behavior I want imitated? I realize that sounds so simplistic, and so basic. But it's so important. I'm so thankful Jesus modeled

Jesus surprised so many by showing up not with a political overthrow using strength and war, but instead with gentleness, humility and peace. They were expecting him to conquer through force - after all, he had the power of God - but instead, he led by peace. His willingness to be a servant leader and not engage in power struggles led him to the ultimate victory, and one that will last forever and not just be a short term "umph" that wins the battle. This is challenging for me because I have a lot of "umph." A lot of my life has been spent finding the balance between my strong passion/"umph" with being a person of peace. Because while I so value passion and energy, I also so value peace and calm and quiet inner strength. I wonder if my daughter would describe me as a peaceful or a passionate person... I'd hope both, but it would be interesting to ask her. I'm learning both parts of me can exist simultaneously. One of the earliest ways I lea

I read the book "Hands Free Mama" earlier this year (It's really an incredible movement if you haven't checked it out: http://www.handsfreemama.com/ ) and was so convicted by how not-present I was because of my use of technology. If I want to point toward Jesus by reflecting Him with my actions, this is going to need to change. He was present - some would say to a fault. In Mark 5, he stops to have further conversation with the woman he had just healed, even though he was on his way to heal a dying little girl. I think it's safe to say he got some flack for that. But that didn't stop him. And, because he was God, the little girl's death wasn't the end of the story. He was able to resurrect her after taking all the time he needed with the woman. It's that whole Emmanuel, God with us, thing that we think about so much in December. His presence. From the beginning of the Bible in Genesis, all the way to the last chapter in Revelation where &

I've always wondered why one of the fruits of the spirit would be goodness. What does goodness mean anyway? It's defined a lot of different ways. The Bible tells us to set our eyes on things that are good. That God created earth and called it good. Today I'm defining goodness as lovely, considering that Ephesians 4:8 verse which talks about  "whatever is lovely...whatever is noble...whatever is praiseworthy..." We are simply going to notice lovely things as we journey through the day. The old, romantic tree at the front of our neighborhood, the fresh fallen snow on the ground, even how pretty her room looks with all her stuffed animals lined up after we made her bed. Simple, but lovely. And I think we could find a lot of lovely things all around if we'd just take the time to notice them. Day 4: Goodness. Simple, but lovely.

Days 1 and 2 seem easy compared to this. But if we truly want to lead our kids toward Jesus, what could be more important than teaching them what he described as the greatest commandments? Loving God and loving others as ourselves. Never in my life have I been more challenged by the Golden Rule than when I was parenting a toddler. I can be a control freak and I desperately wanted to try to control her every action- which in hindsight is downright silly at an age where she should be exploring, trying things out and growing in independence. Not to mention that I wouldn't want someone else to try to control me - that would be a nightmare. So, by definition of the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you), I needed to let go of my desire to control her. To guide her? Yes. To teach her? Absolutely. But to control her? No, not that. One of the most helpful things to remember as I let go of this was that I want her to be a good decisionmaker, and letting go

I always joke that I was not given the gift of prayer but I caught it like a cold because I was surrounded by so many people who had it. I used to think it didn't come naturally to me but I've found that it's like a muscle, the more I use it, the more "in shape" it becomes, and suddenly muscle memory takes over and I don't even realize I'm doing it. I won't reinvent the wheel here because there are incredible resources on prayer out there. Some of my favorite books are: Praying Like Jesus, Praying Scripture for your Children, and The Practice of the Presence of God. Online I like "31 Days of Praying for Our Children." Today I'm going to glance through a few of these. And I'm going to try to pray conversationally throughout the day and invite my daughter into that as well, rather than just at the end of the day. I used to do that a lot, actually, until one day in the car I said something like "God, we're going to need You

"Jesus offered himself as a living sacrifice..." (Ephesians 5:2, paraphrased) If I were asked to describe Jesus in only two words, l think I'd go with "sacrificial love." Certainly mercy, grace, Emmanuel, full life, set free and eternal hope might be close seconds, but really, none of these are possible without sacrificial love. So first things first. Sacrificial love it is. When our daughter was born, we decided we wanted to start a Christmas tradition of giving. Having a generous heart and caring for others by meeting their needs are things we prioritize highly in our family. So, we decided to take a tag off the sharing tree at church, and buy sheets for a family in need. She went with us to Target, helped pick the sheets out, and actually threw a second pair of sheets into the cart too. I'm not sure she knew what she was doing, but we liked the spirit of generosity, and gave the family two sheet sets that year. We've done something similar ever