Day 28: Meeting Kids Where They Are
The ministry I work for talks a lot about "meeting kids where they are" and not expecting them to be anything they aren't. In meeting them with unconditional love and without an agenda, we find that that tends to make them more likely to consider exploring who Jesus is and whether he could be a part of their lives. On the other hand, expecting them to be further along in faith than they are and wanting their behavior to change before their heart does really doesn't seem to work -- that's why we don't approach it that way.
I was thinking this morning... how well do I do in meeting my child where she is in my parenting? I think there are a lot of layers to that - expecting developmentally appropriate and age appropriate behavior, which means not expecting her to act like an adult yet, something I unfortunately so easily fall into. I think it also means really knowing her personality type and encouraging her in that - expecting her to be who she is and not someone different, and helping draw out the strengths of the way she is created to be.
The best description of my daughter's personality I've ever heard is in the book "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron. It's not all about emotional sensitivity as the title might make it sound, but rather more about different ways of sensory awareness and processing, and that some kids truly observe and perceive more than others. They are wired differently and might notice that the kid two seats over at school is having a bad day, that their dog has a hurt toe, and that somebody wore muddy shoes in the front room even though you can just barely tell. Their ability to notice is heightened, and their ability to feel deeply is also heightened. There's a keen awareness to everything around them, which as you imagine, might be a blessing or a curse for them.
Last week I treated it like a curse. When things impacted her deeply or profoundly (like her sock being uncomfortable in her shoe), I got annoyed. I forgot to notice all the ways this helps her and us - the way she's there for me if I have a bad day ("why does your face look sad, mom?"), the way she cares deeply about pets and people and even her dolls, and the way she listens and focuses so intently when we ask her to important things.
I'm switching gears this week, and it has been awesome for both of us. I'm meeting her where she is and I'm reminded of how awesome that is. I'm grateful for who she is and am going to focus on that.
I was thinking this morning... how well do I do in meeting my child where she is in my parenting? I think there are a lot of layers to that - expecting developmentally appropriate and age appropriate behavior, which means not expecting her to act like an adult yet, something I unfortunately so easily fall into. I think it also means really knowing her personality type and encouraging her in that - expecting her to be who she is and not someone different, and helping draw out the strengths of the way she is created to be.
The best description of my daughter's personality I've ever heard is in the book "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron. It's not all about emotional sensitivity as the title might make it sound, but rather more about different ways of sensory awareness and processing, and that some kids truly observe and perceive more than others. They are wired differently and might notice that the kid two seats over at school is having a bad day, that their dog has a hurt toe, and that somebody wore muddy shoes in the front room even though you can just barely tell. Their ability to notice is heightened, and their ability to feel deeply is also heightened. There's a keen awareness to everything around them, which as you imagine, might be a blessing or a curse for them.
Last week I treated it like a curse. When things impacted her deeply or profoundly (like her sock being uncomfortable in her shoe), I got annoyed. I forgot to notice all the ways this helps her and us - the way she's there for me if I have a bad day ("why does your face look sad, mom?"), the way she cares deeply about pets and people and even her dolls, and the way she listens and focuses so intently when we ask her to important things.
I'm switching gears this week, and it has been awesome for both of us. I'm meeting her where she is and I'm reminded of how awesome that is. I'm grateful for who she is and am going to focus on that.
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