Day 10: Faithfulness (defined as follow through)

One of the things I most love about Jesus is his consistency. He was who he says he was (and still is!) and truly was the visible image of the invisible God while he walked here on earth. He kept all his promises, and his word- he followed through all the way to the point of death.

It's always been important to me to keep my word and be consistent. So much of what makes certain types of parenting work or not work is indeed consistency. If kids know what to expect, what the boundaries are, and that those boundaries are consistent, it creates an environment where they can thrive and learn and grow.

So I try to be very faithful in following through with the boundaries and goals our daughter has. Today though, on this journey of leading her toward Jesus, I started thinking about whether I am faithful in following through with the boundaries and goals I set for myself. Some of my commitments this past week were to things like peacemaking and modeling. How am I doing with follow through on those? Am I being faithful to what I committed to be?

I'm finding ironically that I'm really good at the reverse of the golden rule. If my daughter or spouse or friend treats me how I want to be treated, it's easy for me to treat them kindly back. But what about the days when things don't go how we want? Yesterday was a test of that.

My daughter has a very spirited, sensitive personality. My two favorite books are "Raising Your Spirited Child" and "The Highly Sensitive Child" just for that reason- they are like how-to manuals for her personality. I got her wool socks for school without thinking about the fact that she has very sensitive skin. And she put them on and got hysterical (which is unusual for her because she's usually a very peaceful, gentle child so I knew something was wrong). It was so tempting to respond to her meltdown with a meltdown myself (yelling at her that we were in a hurry, forcing her to wear the socks or guilting her into it since I'd purchased them for Christmas for her, or just even hurrying her out the door to school without giving her time to compose herself). Thanks to the accountability of this challenge though, I decided to follow through with my commitments about MY behavior. I chose to respond with compassion and listening and peace (modeling how I want her to act, instead of meeting her immaturity and upset with my own). And that short circuited the power struggle and changed our dynamic immediately. When I responded calmly, she did too. She was able to use her words and share that the socks were itchy (and I was reminded of the HSC book and that because her nervous system is more finely tuned than mine, research has shown kids like her feel "itch" in a way that's exponentially different than I do. It would be like asking me to walk around on pins and needles all day it would be so uncomfortable for her.). I was able to share with her that I was worried her feet would get cold outside at school, and then we were able to problem solve together. She asked if she could wear two pairs of cotton socks (and picked some extra thick, warm ones) instead and I thought that was a great solution. We were on time to school, both calm, and really excited to start a beautiful snowy day.

I wish I could say I always do that well. She responds beautifully to problem solving and requests to work together to get done what I need or ask. I, however, do less well. I sometimes get distracted, or short tempered, or simply forget to parent her the way I want to. And I hear myself say "hurry up" or "because I said so" or other less-than-helpful phrases. This commitment to modeling and to working together and to peace is changing that though. I'm finding I'm more grounded and my focus is different - it's toward Jesus. I'm spending more time with him, praying and in Scripture, and I'm finding he's giving me the strength on cold, hurried days to act in ways that aren't cold and hurried. And it's not just helping my daughter, it's helping me too. 




Comments

Popular posts from this blog

If You Only Knew the Mountain that Was Moving Before Your Eyes

Depends who you are traveling with...

Hard